Stefan E. Jone’s to-do list: 1) Get a bunch of old, cheap, obsolete laptops, a stencil kit, and a can of spray paint. Label the computers “PROPERTY OF FBI.” Leave in airport bathrooms, Starbucks, masonic temples, and movie theaters. 2) When co-workers leave computers and monitors on after hours, set the screen saver to “Marquee” with text reading “THIS MACHINE CONTRIBUTING PROCESSING CYCLES TO SEA MONKEY NEURAL NET DECODING PROJECT.” 3) Print up a bunch of mailing labels reading “THIS MACHINE DOES NOT ACCEPT DOLLY MADISON $2.00 COIN” Apply below coin slots of favorite vending machines. 4) Collect the DVD cases that AOL trial CD-ROMs come in. Remove all inserts and labels. Print up labels reading “STAR WARS EPISODE III SFX SEQUENCES.” Insert blank or ruined CD-RW disks into case. Drop on dealer’s room floor at SF convention. 5) Write “BEING HELD PRISONER. HELP. AMBROSE.” on pieces of scrap paper. Collect co-workers’ staplers when they are not looking. Peel rubber base off of a stapler, insert note, replace rubber base, and return stapler to desk. Repeat. 6) Order a custom service-dog vest reading “VOCABULARY ASSIST DOG. DO NOT TALK TO ME WHILE I’M LEARNING.” Place on dog. Take dog for a walk down city street. Pause occasionally to point at and name common objects in loud, precise voice. If someone asks what a vocabulary assist dog does, look surprised and annoyed. 7) During travels, collect hotel and motel postcards. Write down cryptic phrases and random strings of letters and numbers on backs. Stamp CLASSIFIED with red ink. Find estate sale; hide postcards in lunchbox, toolbox or similar spot that other shoppers will likely look in. 8) Go to a local thrift shop. Begin categorizing and alphabetizing the used book section. If questioned, explain that you are fulfilling a community service requirement.